Tuesday, September 29, 2009
What can you do with 4 Kieda ?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Toddler and Baby Development Stages 其实孩子不难带只要您"了解"孩子(分享篇)
The Toddler and Baby Development Stages section gives information on the usual age developmental milestones are reached in the first five years of life.
A baby develops from a helpless being at birth and over the first five years he will gain independence in mobility, speech and language and he will develop his own personality.
Although every child is different, there is a pattern of developmental progress that they all will follow within a fairly narrow time frame.
There are 4 main areas of toddler and baby development stages:
• motor development - this is about body posture and large movements of the limbs and the developmental road to walking
• fine motor development and vision - this is about manipulative skills leading eventually to being able to do complicated manual tasks
• speech and language development and hearing - this is about language development, which is a key human characteristic. To read more about normal speech and language development, click here
• personal and social development - this is about the development of self and interactions with others
Do all children reach milestones at the same time?
No. Every child is an individual and, as such, your child will reach milestones at his pace. Try not to compare your child with other children.
Don't be concerned if a baby of 13 months is walking while your 13 month old is not or if a 2 year old is using sentences when your 2 year old is not.
On the pages that give milestone progress for each age band, there is a section on when to be concerned. Unless your child is demonstrating these characteristics, there is no need to worry.
What does it mean if a baby is not developing normally?
If a baby is not developing normally, it may be an indication that something is wrong. If a child is not reaching motor milestones, there may be something wrong with his neuromuscular system. For example, he could have cerebral palsy.
A problem with speech and language development may indicate a problem with hearing or may be a manifestation of a communication disorder like autistic spectrum disorder.
In either case, the earlier the developmental problem is picked up the better so appropriate intervention can begin. Of course, sometimes babies are just slow to develop without there being a major problem.
How will I know if my baby is not developing normally?
Mothers (and fathers) are very good at picking up some developmental problems and most countries have some type of well child checks where development is tested. You can also check the pages below for the milestones to expect at different ages.
See your doctor is you are concerned that your toddler or baby development stages are not appropriate, and, in particular, if you are concerned your baby does not see or hear.
Babies also exhibit primitive reflexes which are present from birth or shortly after and last weeks or months. If primitive reflexes persist, it can be an indication that there is a problem with the brain.
What can I do to help my baby's development?
The most important thing you can do as a parent for your baby is to provide a loving environment with adequate food and warmth for your baby.
Studies have shown that babies who have tummy time while they are awake reach motor milestones earlier than babies who do not have tummy time. So, make sure your baby has supervised tummy time while he is awake. Remember that the safest sleeping position is on his back.
Baby Developmental Milestones: Birth to 6 months
The following page gives the usual age at which different baby developmental milestones are reached during the first 6 months of life.
You will notice that the areas of development are divided into 4 main areas - motor, fine motor, language and social. These are the areas that health professionals use when assessing development. Some areas are more important at different ages - in the first six months, there is a lot of motor and fine motor development occurring. Speech comes later.
6 weeks of age baby milestones
Motor Development
At 6 weeks of age, if your child has reached normal developmental milestones, he will:
• lift his head up momentarily when is held tummy down (prone)
• put his head to one side if he is lying on his tummy (prone)
• have head lag when he is pulled from lying to sitting - so you need to support his head
• shows primitive reflexes like stepping and placing
Fine Motor and Vision Development
At 6 weeks of age, your baby will:
• fix and follow on your face
• turn his head and eyes to a light source
Speech, Language and Hearing Development
At 6 weeks, your child, if he is developing normally, will:
• respond to a bell or other similar noise
• stop whimpering (but not full blown crying) to the sound of a soothing voice
• coo responsively to your voice
Personal / Social Development
At 6 weeks, your infant will:
• suck well
• be starting to smile
• regard faces
3 months baby developmental milestones
Motor Development
At 3 months, your infant will:
• push up on his elbows when lying on his tummy (prone)
• still have some head lag when pulled up from lying to sitting but will have more head control
• take weight on bent knees when held in the standing position
• mostly have open hands
Fine Motor / Vision Development
At 3 months, your infant will:
• follow a face from side to side (so through 180 degrees)
• hold a rattle for a short time - will often bash chin with the rattle
• open and close his hands
• be very interested in his hands (hand regard)
• blink defensively
Speech and Language Development
At 3 months, your infant will:
• be vocalizing
• turn to sound especially familiar sounds like the sound of a spoon on the inside of a cup
• quieten to your voice
Personal / Social Development
At 3 months, your infant will be:
• smiling a lot
• enjoying bath time and other familiar routines
4 months baby developmental milestones
Motor Development
At 4 months, your infant will:
• no longer have head lag when pulled to sit from lying - so he now has head control
Fine Motor / Vision Development
At 4 months, your child, if he has normal baby developmental milestones, will be:
• playing with his fingers
5 month baby developmental milestones
Motor Development
At 5 months, if your child has reached normal baby developmental milestone, he will be able to:
• put his feet in his mouth while lying on the floor
Fine Motor / Vision Development
At 5 months, your infant will:
• reach for objects
• have a palmar grasp - so rakes objects with his hands and picks them up in his palm
6 month baby developmental milestones
Motor Development
At 6 months, if your child has reached normal baby developmental milestones, he will be able to:
• push up on extended elbows when lying prone (on his tummy)
• lift his head up when lying on his back
• anticipate being pulled to sit from lying by bracing his shoulders
• roll over - initially from front to back but then both ways
• take weight on his legs when he is held standing up
• sit unsupported for short periods in a tripod position - back slightly bent forward and arms forward with hands near feet
Fine Motor / Vision Development
At 6 months, your infant will:
• be extremely interested in his surroundings
• transfer objects from one hand to the other
• hold 2 cubes
• use both hands freely
• not be interested in objects that fall out of sight - no object permanence yet
Speech and Language Development
At 6 months, your child, if he is following normal baby developmental milestones, will be able to:
• babble using vowel sounds, eg. "goo", "ga"
• imitate sounds
• laugh out loud
Personal / Social Development
At 6 months, your infant will:
• take everything to his mouth
• put his hands to a feeding bottle
• still be friendly with strangers but will be becoming shy
When to be concerned
If your child has not reached the following baby developmental milestones or is demonstrating the following signs, see your doctor:
• not responsive to sound at 6 weeks of age
• has a permanent fist and not opening his hands at 6 weeks of age
• not fixing or following at 3 months of age
• not smiling at 3 months of age
• not sitting with support by 6 months of age
• not babbling by 6 months of age
• has a persistent squint at 6 months of age
TO Be Continue...
Infant Milestones: 12 months to 24 months
Toddler Milestones: 2 years to 3 years
Child Developmental Milestone Progress: 3 years to 4 years
Useful Resource from:http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/toddler-behavior.html
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Fun Colour wheel D.I.Y
Kids love COLOUR ! So why not integrate some time into your day to experiencing " color " with your children with these free and easy lesson !
Kids are enjoying every moment ~
Let's explore our colour experiences!
Material needs:
1) Recycle or new paper plate
2)Poster color
3) Cloth clips
4)ribbon
5)Brush
http://happyfamilyeu.blogspot.com/
Kids are enjoying every moment ~
Let's explore our colour experiences!
Material needs:
1) Recycle or new paper plate
2)Poster color
3) Cloth clips
4)ribbon
5)Brush
http://happyfamilyeu.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The week of shapes learning
Why every children play blocks?
Blocks help children learn
Creatively -- Blocks offer children the chance to make their own designs, and the satisfaction of creating structures that did not exist before. Beginning at the age of two, children may use a variety of blocks for pretend-play. Children may become life-sized actors in large block structures, or use figures to create dramas in miniature landscapes.
Children value their own block structures whether or not they represent specific things. Rather than asking a child, "What did you make?" say, "Tell me about what you made." This will encourage a dialog and offer the child new opportunities to explore.
Socially -- Blocks encourage children to make friends and cooperate. Large block play may be a young child's first experience playing in a group, while small block play may encourage an older child to work with others in solving problems.
Physically -- When children reach for, pick up, stack, or fit blocks together, they build strength in their fingers and hands, and increase eye-hand coordination. Around two, children begin to figure out which shapes will fit where, and get a head start on understanding different perspectives -- skills that will help them to read maps and follow directions later on. Blocks help kindergarten and primary grade children develop skills in design, representation, balance and stability.
Intellectually -- Blocks help children learn across many academic subjects. Young children develop their vocabularies as they learn to describe sizes, shapes, and positions. Preschoolers and kindergarteners develop math skills by grouping, adding, subtracting and eventually multiplying with blocks. Older children make early experiments with gravity, balance, and geometry.
Additional resources:
Hirsch, E.S. 1996. The Block Book.(Third Ed.) Washington, DC: NAEYC. #132/$5.
NAEYC. 1993. Block Play: Constructing Realities (video). Washington, DC: NAEYC.#838/$39.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
给孩子上一堂大自然课
" 今天天气好,我与孩子到附近的花园走一趟。
我顺手掐起一朵野花,叫道:“小子,快过来,我们一起看看这朵花。”儿子好奇地凑近。我一边解剖这朵花,一边向他讲解花的生长特点和作用。我告诉他:“这是花瓣,这是花蕊、花萼,还有随风漂洒的花粉,没有它,花儿最后便结不出果实……”有时草丛中会突如其来地蹦出一只蚱蜢,我眼疾手快地一把逮住它。这时候, 我们两个就蹲下来,头碰头一起研究这只昆虫。我会把蚱蜢的身体结构、习性、繁殖等知识尽可能地传授给儿子。就这样,我通过一块石头、一草一木等实用素材来对儿子进行最生动的教育,这比学校里那些死板僵化的动植物课程直观多了。
其实只要有心,自然界的一草一木都可以随时成为教育的素材,自然界新诞生的一切都可以成为孩子认识与注意的对象。世界再没有比大自然更好的教师了,它能教给人无穷无尽的知识。可是非常遗憾,大多数的父母和孩子却未能好好利用它。
每逢节日,我都要带儿子到田野里去,摘下一朵花,拔下一棵草,砸碎一块岩石进行观察,窥视小鸟的窝,观察小虫的生活状况等。我利用这些实物向儿子讲述各种有趣的故事,涉及到动物学、植物学、矿物学、物理学、化学、地质学、天文学等几乎所有的科学领域。
儿子非常喜欢植物,他还用显微镜观察各种东西,同时,还画出有关各种事物的极其有趣的画画。
开始时他非常害怕毛毛虫,自从告诉他毛毛虫会变成美丽的蝴蝶之后,就不害怕了。我还向他讲述蚂蚁和蜜蜂的生活规律。
许多父母都为孩子的不良行为发愁。
依我看,孩子的不良行为是由于孩子不知精力往何处用造成的,这无疑是一种精力的浪费。 我建议把他们都带到大自然中去,他们就无暇干坏事了。并且接触大自然能使孩子的心地高尚,自古以来和大自然感情融洽的人都是心地善良宽厚的人。与大自然接触不仅可以使孩子身体健壮,而且精神也会旺盛起来。
城市里的孩子多因远离大自然,很少呼吸新鲜空气而心情不佳或性格乖张。
有鉴于此,我尽量让孩子们多与自然界接触。"
Eu Kuan Seng 's simply drawing click here.Thanks
我顺手掐起一朵野花,叫道:“小子,快过来,我们一起看看这朵花。”儿子好奇地凑近。我一边解剖这朵花,一边向他讲解花的生长特点和作用。我告诉他:“这是花瓣,这是花蕊、花萼,还有随风漂洒的花粉,没有它,花儿最后便结不出果实……”有时草丛中会突如其来地蹦出一只蚱蜢,我眼疾手快地一把逮住它。这时候, 我们两个就蹲下来,头碰头一起研究这只昆虫。我会把蚱蜢的身体结构、习性、繁殖等知识尽可能地传授给儿子。就这样,我通过一块石头、一草一木等实用素材来对儿子进行最生动的教育,这比学校里那些死板僵化的动植物课程直观多了。
其实只要有心,自然界的一草一木都可以随时成为教育的素材,自然界新诞生的一切都可以成为孩子认识与注意的对象。世界再没有比大自然更好的教师了,它能教给人无穷无尽的知识。可是非常遗憾,大多数的父母和孩子却未能好好利用它。
每逢节日,我都要带儿子到田野里去,摘下一朵花,拔下一棵草,砸碎一块岩石进行观察,窥视小鸟的窝,观察小虫的生活状况等。我利用这些实物向儿子讲述各种有趣的故事,涉及到动物学、植物学、矿物学、物理学、化学、地质学、天文学等几乎所有的科学领域。
儿子非常喜欢植物,他还用显微镜观察各种东西,同时,还画出有关各种事物的极其有趣的画画。
开始时他非常害怕毛毛虫,自从告诉他毛毛虫会变成美丽的蝴蝶之后,就不害怕了。我还向他讲述蚂蚁和蜜蜂的生活规律。
许多父母都为孩子的不良行为发愁。
依我看,孩子的不良行为是由于孩子不知精力往何处用造成的,这无疑是一种精力的浪费。 我建议把他们都带到大自然中去,他们就无暇干坏事了。并且接触大自然能使孩子的心地高尚,自古以来和大自然感情融洽的人都是心地善良宽厚的人。与大自然接触不仅可以使孩子身体健壮,而且精神也会旺盛起来。
城市里的孩子多因远离大自然,很少呼吸新鲜空气而心情不佳或性格乖张。
有鉴于此,我尽量让孩子们多与自然界接触。"
Eu Kuan Seng 's simply drawing click here.Thanks
Monday, September 14, 2009
Simple Shapes learning
Today our homeschoolings easy like 1,2,3 ! Let 's rock n roll!
Gather up our material:Brush,orange color ( Qiqi ' learning program),white crayon & paper.
first,draw variety of shapes on a paper .
Let's your child to color it using brush.
While waiting dry asked her to say the name of the shapes and display! ^^
Gather up our material:Brush,orange color ( Qiqi ' learning program),white crayon & paper.
first,draw variety of shapes on a paper .
Let's your child to color it using brush.
While waiting dry asked her to say the name of the shapes and display! ^^
Sunday, September 13, 2009
C- -Carrot , & Cabbge !
Today, kids get an impulse to their own dinner.
In order for children to deepen understanding of the letters, we have found in the fridge they know vegetables - carrot and cabbage.
Today's menu are the ABC soup and fried cabbage!
There are a children's favorite too- Egg!
Children try to cook for themselves. Vegetables and vegetable. . .
Of course, know the name of a vegetable!
nutritious dish preparing by Yen Hui and Kuan SEng ^^
In order for children to deepen understanding of the letters, we have found in the fridge they know vegetables - carrot and cabbage.
Today's menu are the ABC soup and fried cabbage!
There are a children's favorite too- Egg!
Children try to cook for themselves. Vegetables and vegetable. . .
Of course, know the name of a vegetable!
nutritious dish preparing by Yen Hui and Kuan SEng ^^
Friday, September 11, 2009
Chater 4,The correct way to teach children ,
http://happyfamilyeu.blogspot.com/
" My son, the real purpose of education is to open the wisdom of his roof, so he was able to keen observation of the bad things in society, insight into a social contradictions and shortcomings. Our human ideals should never be like Adam and Eve, it is only satisfied in knowing that they are exposed to the physical circumstances of life had a happy paradise. To this end, I would never allow her son to become spiritually blind optimist.
Approach to education with the game
After starting from the infancy of education, Karl seems smarter than the children of the same age, more clever, faster reaction, stronger ability in all aspects. I think he's mentally ready, so from his two years old when he began to teach literacy, but this is by no means compulsory. "Can not be forced to teach" This is what I advocate is one of the major principles of education law.
I think that no matter what to teach, first of all must strive to arouse children's interest. Only when a child has interest in, the multiplier can be achieved with good results. The best way to arouse interest in their children is the way the game of education, this approach results in the son's early training years have been revealed.
The game is an animal instinct, so animals love the game. Old cat kitten fun of the tail, puppies and older dogs biting each other frame, which is Why? According to zoologists study, kittens teasing old cat's tail, is to develop its future capacity to be able to bite animals. Clearly, animal training skills to the next generation are carried out in the game.
I am her son's education are based on the methods of the game. First of all, when he was over six months, I was in his room and the walls of about one meter high places thick white paste, white paper with red paper cut-paste text and numbers. In White's another place, orderly paste a simple word, such as: cats, dogs, rats, finishing pigs, rabbits, hats, mats, tables, chairs and so on. Please note that these words are nouns. In another parallel paste from 1 to 10 of 10 line figures, drawing on the music map somewhere.
Because the baby's well-developed auditory than visual, I decided to start teaching his son from the hearing ABC. When I pointed out that the ABC letter, my wife sang like to sing his son to listen to Side. Of course, because Karl, after all, only 6-month-old baby, so he feels like listening to like fallen on deaf ears. However, we no give up , every day for him, giving him, and finally worked, my son has been impressed on the letter, which makes it easy when it was literate he later learned.
As a result of previous experience in literacy teaching his son when I also used this set of methods. ....."
我教育儿子的真正目的,就是要为他打开智慧的天窗,使他能够敏锐的观察到社会上的坏事,洞察出社会上的矛盾和缺陷。我们人类的理想,决不应当象亚当和夏娃那样,仅仅满足于在不知自己是裸露着身体的情况下过快乐的天堂生活。为此,我决不能让儿子成为精神上的盲目乐观主义者。
用游戏的方式进行教育经过从婴儿期就开始的教育,卡尔显得比同龄的孩子更聪明,更机灵,反应更快,各方面的能力也更强。他在智力上已经准备好了,所以从他二岁时就开始教他认字,但这决不是强迫性的。“不能强迫施教”,这是我主张的教育法的一大原则。我认为我认为不管教什么,首先必须努力唤起孩子的兴趣。只有当孩子有了兴趣时,才能取得事半功倍的良好效果。而唤起孩子兴趣的最好办法是用游戏的方式进行教育,这种方法的效果在儿子的早期训练里已表露无遗。
游戏是动物的本能,所以动物都喜欢游戏。小猫戏弄老猫的尾巴,小狗和老狗互相咬架,这是为什么呢?
根据动物学家的研究,小猫戏弄老猫的尾巴,是为了发展它将来能咬死野兽的能力。
显然,动物训练下一代的技能都是在游戏中进行的。
我对儿子的教育都是采用游戏的方法进行的。
首先,当他满六个月时,我就在他的房间四壁大约一米高的地方贴上厚厚的白纸,白纸上贴上用红纸剪下的文字和数字。在白纸的另一个地方,有秩序的贴上简单的单词,如:猫、狗、老鼠、肥猪、兔子、帽子、席子、桌子、椅子等等。请注意,这些单词都是名词。
当我指出ABC字母时,我妻子就像唱歌似地唱给儿子听。因为婴儿的听觉比视觉发达,我决心对儿子从听觉入手教ABC。
在另一处并列贴上从1到10的十行数字,在某处画上乐谱图。 当然,因为卡尔毕竟只是6个月大的婴儿,所以,他的感觉就像听耳边风似的。 但我们不泄气,天天给他听,给他看,终于奏效了,儿子对字母有了深刻的印象,这使他后来认字时非常轻松就学会了。
由于有了前面的经验,在教儿子认字时我也采用了这一套方法。
Carl Weter's educational law
who inspired me
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Disciplining Your Child
http://happyfamilyeu.blogspot.com/
Is there a difference between discipline and punishment? YES!!
What is discipline?
Discipline is guidance.
When we guide children toward positive behavior and learning, we are promoting a healthy attitude. Positive guidance encourages a child to think before he acts. Positive guidance promotes self-control. Different styles of discipline produce results that are different. Discipline requires thought, planning, and patience.
What is punishment?
Punishment is usually hitting, spanking, or any type of control behavior. Basically there are four kinds of punishment:
• Physical. Slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, using a belt or hair brush, and so on.
• With words. Shaming, ridiculing, or using cruel words.
• Holding back rewards. Example: "You can't watch TV if your chores aren't done."
• Penalizing the child. Example: "Because you told a lie, you can't have your allowance."
Punishment is usually used because:
a. It's quick and easy
b. Parents don't know other methods
c. Punishment asserts adult power
d. It vents adult frustration
Punishment does not promote self discipline. It only stops misbehavior for that moment. Punishment may fulfill a short-term goal, but it actually interferes with the accomplishment of your long-term goal of self control.
The consequences for children include the following lessons:
1. Those who love you the most are also those who hit you.
2. It is right to hit those you are closest to.
3. It is okay to hit people who are smaller than you are.
4. Violence is okay when other things don't work.
Parents and teachers would probably rather teach their children other more positive lessons.
Children who are disciplined without affection respond only to power--which means punishment and "have to be made to do."
When discipline is administered in such a way as to hurt a child's self-esteem or self-worth, the child's standards may become rigid or self-punishing. However, affection without discipline may result in children who deny responsibility or blame others. Parents and teachers of successful children maintain control.
Discipline is
Helping a child learn to get along with family and friends.
Teaching a child to behave in an agreeable way.
Helping a child learn to control behavior.
Effective Discipline
The use of discipline is a thinking and trying process. Remember:
• Effective discipline is good for parent and child.
• A child learns to take responsibility for his or her behavior.
• The parent keeps a warm relationship with the child.
• The goal is to teach the child how to behave, not to make the child suffer.
Guidance Tips
• When you discipline, explain why.
• Set clear and safe limits. Be sure children know these limits. Be consistent.
• Keep discipline positive. Tell children what to do instead of what not to do.
• Teach by example. Be a good example. If you hit children for hitting others, they won't understand why they can't hit.
• Guide through consequences. If a child leaves his toys outside and the toys are stolen or damaged--no toys.
• Build self-esteem and respect. Avoid words that reduce self-esteem.
• Plan ahead. Prevent misbehavior by eliminating situations that spell trouble. For example, make sure children have been fed and are rested before going to the grocery store.
• Address the situation; do not judge the child. This is important because diminished self-esteem leads to insecurity, even hostility.
• Be firm. Clearly and firmly state that the child does what needs to be done. Speak in a tone that lets your child know you mean what you say and you expect the child to do it. It doesn't mean yelling or threatening. Being firm works for any age child and for many situations.
• Keep your cool. Listen calmly to your child's explanation of the problem; talk about ways to deal with it. Come to a solution that's agreeable to you and the child--this helps the child learn to be responsible for his behavior.
Revised by Dr. Louise Davis, Extension Child and Family Development Specialist
Is there a difference between discipline and punishment? YES!!
What is discipline?
Discipline is guidance.
When we guide children toward positive behavior and learning, we are promoting a healthy attitude. Positive guidance encourages a child to think before he acts. Positive guidance promotes self-control. Different styles of discipline produce results that are different. Discipline requires thought, planning, and patience.
What is punishment?
Punishment is usually hitting, spanking, or any type of control behavior. Basically there are four kinds of punishment:
• Physical. Slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, using a belt or hair brush, and so on.
• With words. Shaming, ridiculing, or using cruel words.
• Holding back rewards. Example: "You can't watch TV if your chores aren't done."
• Penalizing the child. Example: "Because you told a lie, you can't have your allowance."
Punishment is usually used because:
a. It's quick and easy
b. Parents don't know other methods
c. Punishment asserts adult power
d. It vents adult frustration
Punishment does not promote self discipline. It only stops misbehavior for that moment. Punishment may fulfill a short-term goal, but it actually interferes with the accomplishment of your long-term goal of self control.
The consequences for children include the following lessons:
1. Those who love you the most are also those who hit you.
2. It is right to hit those you are closest to.
3. It is okay to hit people who are smaller than you are.
4. Violence is okay when other things don't work.
Parents and teachers would probably rather teach their children other more positive lessons.
Children who are disciplined without affection respond only to power--which means punishment and "have to be made to do."
When discipline is administered in such a way as to hurt a child's self-esteem or self-worth, the child's standards may become rigid or self-punishing. However, affection without discipline may result in children who deny responsibility or blame others. Parents and teachers of successful children maintain control.
Discipline is
Helping a child learn to get along with family and friends.
Teaching a child to behave in an agreeable way.
Helping a child learn to control behavior.
Effective Discipline
The use of discipline is a thinking and trying process. Remember:
• Effective discipline is good for parent and child.
• A child learns to take responsibility for his or her behavior.
• The parent keeps a warm relationship with the child.
• The goal is to teach the child how to behave, not to make the child suffer.
Guidance Tips
• When you discipline, explain why.
• Set clear and safe limits. Be sure children know these limits. Be consistent.
• Keep discipline positive. Tell children what to do instead of what not to do.
• Teach by example. Be a good example. If you hit children for hitting others, they won't understand why they can't hit.
• Guide through consequences. If a child leaves his toys outside and the toys are stolen or damaged--no toys.
• Build self-esteem and respect. Avoid words that reduce self-esteem.
• Plan ahead. Prevent misbehavior by eliminating situations that spell trouble. For example, make sure children have been fed and are rested before going to the grocery store.
• Address the situation; do not judge the child. This is important because diminished self-esteem leads to insecurity, even hostility.
• Be firm. Clearly and firmly state that the child does what needs to be done. Speak in a tone that lets your child know you mean what you say and you expect the child to do it. It doesn't mean yelling or threatening. Being firm works for any age child and for many situations.
• Keep your cool. Listen calmly to your child's explanation of the problem; talk about ways to deal with it. Come to a solution that's agreeable to you and the child--this helps the child learn to be responsible for his behavior.
Revised by Dr. Louise Davis, Extension Child and Family Development Specialist
Children and Difficult Behaviour
Every child misbehaves from time to time. This is always distressing to us as parents because we would all like to be perfect parents of perfect children!
There are many reasons for a child's misbehavior, and many ways for parents to help the child improve. Difficult behavior includes:
• using bad language,
• behaving aggressively or violently,
• destroying property,
• lying,
• stealing,
• refusing to cooperate with necessary tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning, going to bed at night or doing school work.
Unintentional and intentional misbehavior
Children can misbehave by accident or on purpose, and it is important to understand the difference, for example:
• Accidental misbehavior - Your eight-year old throws a snowball in a friendly sand ball fight and injures another child because a stone was accidentally packed into the sand ball.
• Intentional misbehavior - Your child steals candy from the corner store after you refused to give his/ her allowance two days early.
Why do children misbehave?
Sometimes, the causes of misbehavior are easy to see; other times, they are hidden.
The reasons may include:
• Impulsiveness and inexperience - A lot of misbehavior happens because the child does not know any better. For example, the eight-year old with the sand ball was excited and having fun (impulsive) and may be too young to understand that even the simplest actions can be dangerous when done carelessly (inexperience).
• resentment and anger at rules
- Nobody likes being told what to do, and that includes children. Yet, children get told what to do and how to do it all the time! So, it is not surprising that they misbehave out of resentment or anger. For example, your three-year old may hit a playmate after you insist that toys be shared, or your teenager may yell, swear and slam doors after being told repeatedly to clean up his/her room.
• resentment and anger at unfair treatment
-Sometimes, we take out our own anger and frustrations on our children. We may yell at our children for being noisy when the real reason is we are angry about something that happened at work. We all do this kind of thing occasionally, but if we do it all the time, our children will respond with resentful and angry behaviour of their own.
• frustration from too much pressure to perform
-Sometimes we push our children to achieve too much too soon. If a child is always being pressured to do things, like stand up on skates before he/she is physically ready or play games that are too difficult for his/her age, he/she may refuse to learn new things at home or slack off at school.
• fears: real or imaginary
- If your child suddenly refuses to do things that he/she used to do, it may be because of a real or imagined fear. For example, your child may suddenly refuse to get on the school bus because he/she has been frightened by a larger, hostile child who has started taking the same bus (real), or it may be a case of resisting going to bed because "there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the closet!"
(imaginary).
What can you do to change difficult behaviour?
The most important things you can do are to be patient, avoid losing your temper and remember that love is more persuasive than punishment. Before you act, try to think a few things through - ask yourself questions. Then, act as calmly and as thoughtfully as you can.
• Does my child know that he/she is loved? Make sure your child knows that you love him/ her, and it does not hurt to tell them over and over again. Love brings love in return, and it is a lot harder for anyone, child or adult, to behave in ways that will hurt someone he / she loves.
• Is it necessary for my child to do this, or is it OK for him/her to choose? Obviously, there are times when you can give your children no choice. Unsafe, destructive, dishonest or rude behaviour has to be corrected, and children must learn what the limits are. However, leave some reasonable choices to your children - what to wear, what to eat for breakfast (as long as it is healthy!) and how to schedule time for homework and play.
• Did my child do this on purpose? Becoming angry at a child for misbehaving because he/she did not know any better will do more harm than good. In the case of the eight-year old with the snowball, you can deal with the problem by using the incident to teach some basic lessons in safety. However, you should remember that you will have to keep repeating that kind of lesson many times before your child automatically thinks in terms of safety without prompting from you.
• If I lose my temper, am I going to make matters worse? Suppose your three-year old goes to your bedroom and breaks a string of pearls after being reprimanded. Obviously, he/ she is enraged, and if you respond with rage, you will be continuing a cycle of anger from which it may be difficult to escape. Try to let your child know that you understand his/ her anger and the reason for it, and try to get your child to put his/her angry feelings into words. Try to help your child think about making amends for the damage done.
• Learn to use the "time out" method to help your child regain composure and self control. Give your child some time alone, not as a punishment, but as an opportunity to recover from a bout of misbehavior. Send your child to his/her room and encourage him/her to read, color or play with a favourite toy until he / she is calmed down. Then try to discuss the behavior problem constructively with your child.
• Is the punishment I have given too harsh? If you punished your child when you were angry, you may later think that you were too harsh. Trust your feelings. Remember that changing your mind is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Children have a very keen sense of fair play and will respect an adult who changes his/her mind in favour of greater fairness.
• Try to put consistent routines in place for your children. Children need the security provided by regular routines and events in a stable environment. Security and stability make it easier for children to behave in a stable and cooperative manner.
• Allow for some breaks in routine to reduce boredom. Once routines are established, they can be broken from time to time for special reasons. This gives children a chance to experience fun and variety, and still lets them return to the security of familiar routines afterwards.
• Remember that every child needs to know there are limits. Setting limits and quietly but firmly insisting on certain standards of behavior provides your child with a sense of security and help make him/her feel safe and secure.
There are many reasons for a child's misbehavior, and many ways for parents to help the child improve. Difficult behavior includes:
• using bad language,
• behaving aggressively or violently,
• destroying property,
• lying,
• stealing,
• refusing to cooperate with necessary tasks, such as getting dressed in the morning, going to bed at night or doing school work.
Unintentional and intentional misbehavior
Children can misbehave by accident or on purpose, and it is important to understand the difference, for example:
• Accidental misbehavior - Your eight-year old throws a snowball in a friendly sand ball fight and injures another child because a stone was accidentally packed into the sand ball.
• Intentional misbehavior - Your child steals candy from the corner store after you refused to give his/ her allowance two days early.
Why do children misbehave?
Sometimes, the causes of misbehavior are easy to see; other times, they are hidden.
The reasons may include:
• Impulsiveness and inexperience - A lot of misbehavior happens because the child does not know any better. For example, the eight-year old with the sand ball was excited and having fun (impulsive) and may be too young to understand that even the simplest actions can be dangerous when done carelessly (inexperience).
• resentment and anger at rules
- Nobody likes being told what to do, and that includes children. Yet, children get told what to do and how to do it all the time! So, it is not surprising that they misbehave out of resentment or anger. For example, your three-year old may hit a playmate after you insist that toys be shared, or your teenager may yell, swear and slam doors after being told repeatedly to clean up his/her room.
• resentment and anger at unfair treatment
-Sometimes, we take out our own anger and frustrations on our children. We may yell at our children for being noisy when the real reason is we are angry about something that happened at work. We all do this kind of thing occasionally, but if we do it all the time, our children will respond with resentful and angry behaviour of their own.
• frustration from too much pressure to perform
-Sometimes we push our children to achieve too much too soon. If a child is always being pressured to do things, like stand up on skates before he/she is physically ready or play games that are too difficult for his/her age, he/she may refuse to learn new things at home or slack off at school.
• fears: real or imaginary
- If your child suddenly refuses to do things that he/she used to do, it may be because of a real or imagined fear. For example, your child may suddenly refuse to get on the school bus because he/she has been frightened by a larger, hostile child who has started taking the same bus (real), or it may be a case of resisting going to bed because "there's a Tyrannosaurus Rex in the closet!"
(imaginary).
What can you do to change difficult behaviour?
The most important things you can do are to be patient, avoid losing your temper and remember that love is more persuasive than punishment. Before you act, try to think a few things through - ask yourself questions. Then, act as calmly and as thoughtfully as you can.
• Does my child know that he/she is loved? Make sure your child knows that you love him/ her, and it does not hurt to tell them over and over again. Love brings love in return, and it is a lot harder for anyone, child or adult, to behave in ways that will hurt someone he / she loves.
• Is it necessary for my child to do this, or is it OK for him/her to choose? Obviously, there are times when you can give your children no choice. Unsafe, destructive, dishonest or rude behaviour has to be corrected, and children must learn what the limits are. However, leave some reasonable choices to your children - what to wear, what to eat for breakfast (as long as it is healthy!) and how to schedule time for homework and play.
• Did my child do this on purpose? Becoming angry at a child for misbehaving because he/she did not know any better will do more harm than good. In the case of the eight-year old with the snowball, you can deal with the problem by using the incident to teach some basic lessons in safety. However, you should remember that you will have to keep repeating that kind of lesson many times before your child automatically thinks in terms of safety without prompting from you.
• If I lose my temper, am I going to make matters worse? Suppose your three-year old goes to your bedroom and breaks a string of pearls after being reprimanded. Obviously, he/ she is enraged, and if you respond with rage, you will be continuing a cycle of anger from which it may be difficult to escape. Try to let your child know that you understand his/ her anger and the reason for it, and try to get your child to put his/her angry feelings into words. Try to help your child think about making amends for the damage done.
• Learn to use the "time out" method to help your child regain composure and self control. Give your child some time alone, not as a punishment, but as an opportunity to recover from a bout of misbehavior. Send your child to his/her room and encourage him/her to read, color or play with a favourite toy until he / she is calmed down. Then try to discuss the behavior problem constructively with your child.
• Is the punishment I have given too harsh? If you punished your child when you were angry, you may later think that you were too harsh. Trust your feelings. Remember that changing your mind is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Children have a very keen sense of fair play and will respect an adult who changes his/her mind in favour of greater fairness.
• Try to put consistent routines in place for your children. Children need the security provided by regular routines and events in a stable environment. Security and stability make it easier for children to behave in a stable and cooperative manner.
• Allow for some breaks in routine to reduce boredom. Once routines are established, they can be broken from time to time for special reasons. This gives children a chance to experience fun and variety, and still lets them return to the security of familiar routines afterwards.
• Remember that every child needs to know there are limits. Setting limits and quietly but firmly insisting on certain standards of behavior provides your child with a sense of security and help make him/her feel safe and secure.
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